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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483642">Black Holes and Revelations</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciAndTheMushroomGang/pseuds/LuciAndTheMushroomGang'>LuciAndTheMushroomGang</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Background Beauregard Lionett, Background Jester Lavorre, Background Nott | Veth Brenatto, Background Yasha (Critical Role), Caduceus Clay Deserves Nice Things, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Everyone Is Gay, Fjord Has Feelings (Critical Role), Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mollymauk Tealeaf Has Feelings, Mollymauk Tealeaf Lives, Mollymauk Tealeaf's Backstory, Multi, Polynein (Critical Role), Stars, Tattoos, Xhorhas (Critical Role), Xhorhouse (Critical Role)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 08:08:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483642</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciAndTheMushroomGang/pseuds/LuciAndTheMushroomGang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'Thankfully only a small collection of beings knew just how quickly he had given up that control, and how easy it had been to send the Shadowhand to his knees when the prying eyes of the Dynasty could not see how he disgraced himself for a group of fine people.' </p><p>OR - Essek has freckles that remind everyone of the stars. They're all gay and in love, and learn from each other. Gratuitous use of space imagery from someone who doesn't know enough about space :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caduceus Clay &amp; Essek Thelyss, Caduceus Clay/Fjord/Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Fjord/Essek Thelyss, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Black Holes and Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVoidListens/gifts">TheVoidListens</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from 'Black Holes and Revelations' by Muse, a song I haven't listened to in years, yet it seemed relevant. </p><p>For my dear friend Robin, who indulges my ideas, says the kindest things, and yells about these wonderful men with me. When I messaged her deciding 'Essek has freckles!' She gave me so many wonderful ideas as to how the boys would respond to that, and so this fic was born!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In the early years of civilisation, the stars and constellations were yet to be entirely mapped and charted. They were unknown to scholars whose focus was aimed more towards bettering their magical gifts, and exploring the secrets kept hidden by the Empire. In all honesty, Essek Theylss wasn’t entirely entirely certain that any attempt to map the all encompassing darkness that surrounded Xhorhas was really worth the effort. After all, why chart a magically created sky if you had the sense to know that it didn’t exist outside of the city? Caleb Widogast disagreed - He actively pursued seeking out knowledge in spite of his mentor’s guidance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Really, as much as Essek had come to value and care for the Nein, they could infuriate him to no end. The pranks, the noise, the shameless disrespect of his home by putting a daylight filled tree on top of a house, the persistent messaging with little thought, and the frequency with which they summoned him were all growing increasingly more and more frustrating. Of course Essek was smart enough to know that his irritation was exactly what the Bright Queen had anticipated when she had put the party under his supervision. He would be able to watch them, gather information from the Empire travellers, but more than that, he would be tested. Whilst Essek’s centuries made him far older than any of the Nein, he was young in the eyes of the Dynasty. Already the Shadowhand and yet so young, younger than all the other consecuted souls (not that he was one of them, although only his brother knew that truth), younger than the rolling hills, vast plains and jagged mountains that surrounded the city, younger than the night sky above him. So young that any mistake, slight slip up, or chip in his composed exterior would bring him to his knees. Putting the Nein in his care had been a test to appease the other Dens by ensuring he was old enough to maintain his control. Thankfully only a small collection of beings knew just how quickly he had given up that control, and how easy it had been to send the Shadowhand to his knees when the prying eyes of the Dynasty could not see how he disgraced himself for a group of fine people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb Widogast knew how quick it had been, how smoothly Essek had sunk to the floor without his levitation spell, how all he needed was a guiding hand in his hair for him to bow his head and rest his hands behind his back. Caleb Widogast knew so many things that he could put even the oldest researchers to shame. Despite Essek seeing little value in the knowledge, Caleb knew every constellation in his personal favourite sky. He had charted every white freckled star, had traced the shapes he found within them, and had committed each minute galaxy not just to his impeccable memory, but to paper, so that Mollymauk and Fjord and Caduceus could compare their own notes. Caleb had spent hour after hour studying this subject. He had spent hour after hour tracing the constellations he had discovered in the delicate white freckles that blossomed over Essek’s back and shoulders. He had spent hour after hour mapping his body and waxing lyrical on the beauty of the night, until the Drow had inevitably collapsed in on himself, just like the oldest stars. Every single time, without fail, warm hands would be there to pull him back together again, so that the next time he was taken apart, he would remember the warmth and safety that came after it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first time that Caleb had seen the freckles usually hidden under fine clothing had been an accident. The Nein had never been good at timing or decorum - Something Essek had chastised them for countless times. It really wasn’t too much of a surprise when he had been relaxing in his bath during the first day off that he had had in months, and had been startled by Jester’s voice in his head declaring “a serious, world ending emergency!” He knew her well enough to be confident that whatever it was was not half as bad as she had implied, so he had neglected the message. What he hadn’t expected was for Caleb to invite himself into his home by way of his personal teleportation circle, and barge his way into Essek’s bedroom in a frenzy. “Jester said you didn’t answer her, she thought you were dead, and I need-” Whatever else the WIzard had intended to say had died in his throat as he saw Essek pulling a satin robe over his shoulders. He’d maintained his modesty, but Caleb had still caught sight of the delicate white freckles littered across dark skin. That was where his fixation had started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking back on that moment, it was easy to connect the dots and see that what had happened later was down to Caleb. They’d all seen the scrolls spread across his desk, and of course Mollymauk had the thought that their sky was not complete without a moon. They had all seen the scrolls decorated with stars, where Caleb had filled every space with the patterns he had drawn across Essek’s body night after night for months since first seeing the tiny clusters of celestial bodies across skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
  
  
  
  
  
  <span>/////////</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Contrary to his own, quiet opinion, Essek was not a black hole. He fell apart from time to time, but not in the fatal way he had anticipated his downfall would be. He didn’t draw in everything around him, drain every scrap of life from it, and leave nothing behind. He didn’t darken a room just by being in it, despite his mother’s scorn of him, and the disrespect of the other Dens. He wasn’t rendered void, destructive, dark and cold and cruel. Essek Theylss was radiant, beautiful, shining, shimmering, splendid. As far as Mollymauk was concerned, Essek was the brightest, most sensational and captivating thing in the entire universe. Sure, he hadn’t seen too much of it in his short life, but he had seen plenty of the night - He had spent many a night under the stars, basking in the glow of the Moonweaver, and astounded by the glory of her light. It was only natural that when he had first met the Shadowhand, Molly would send thanks to his God for giving him the brightest star in all the sky, and wrapping him up in a decadent cloak as a gift for Molly to unwrap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, how carefully Mollymauk had unwrapped him. Fjord had called it uncharacteristic, the gentility to which Molly had laid Essek down  and taken his bittersweet time peeling back the layers of protection to expose the radiance hidden underneath. It had been self indulgent to touch the heart of a star and have the privilege to tell him how loved he was.It was hardly surprising that Molly had a penchant for Essek - He liked beautiful things, after all. He liked the gold jewelery that decorated his horns and body, he liked the careful lines that painted pictures across scarred skin, and he liked his absurd and expensive Platinum Dragon tapestry. Most of all, Molly liked Essek, and despite his collection of silver jewellery, his extravagant mantles, and cloaks woven with silver threads, he liked the Drow the most when he was naked and practically glowing as Molly all but worshipped him. He liked Essek most when he was there to be explored, praised, marvelled at and adored. When the night would fade to another moonlit day, and they both got tired, Molly would pull the Shadowhand against his chest and fall asleep wishing he could shine only half as bright as his boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Caleb had never thought to document Essek’s constellations on paper usually reserved for spells and research notes, Molly may never have thought to add a final decoration to complete an already magical sky. Of course they all found him perfect in his purest form, but in a darkened city, it only seemed appropriate that the Drow carried some of the purity of the moonlight in his skin. Molly had asked Jester to teach him how to paint beautiful pictures with a needle and ink, and he had practiced countless times on his own body first, filling in the spaces with patterns and pieces that allowed him to keep his family etched in his skin. He had practiced until he could make fluid lines without hesitation, and then had kissed his way down to a strong thigh when Essek had nodded his approval and lay across satin sheets. It had been a testament of the strength and depth of love between them all when he had closed his eyes and sunk into his Trance as Molly pressed the needle into his thigh over and over again. The end result had caused all the air to leave Caleb’s lungs as he peered over a resting body to assess his work, and even Fjord had had to resist the urge to run his fingers over the carefully crafted white lines flowing across skin. Essek was their entire night sky, but thanks to Mollymauk, his body now carried the moon with it, as a living and breathing temple to everything beautiful that the skies had to offer. They all worshipped in different ways, but their altar was always the same after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
  
  
  
  
  <span>/////////</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Caduceus liked to use his hands to focus his healing. Where Jester was reluctant, and usually seemed rather put upon as she healed others with an exasperated sigh and a dismissive word, Caduceus was more gentle and delicate. He liked to ensure the injured soul was cared for and treasured, and knew that they were safe with him. When his siblings had got tangled in the brambles and fallen amongst the grave markers at the Blooming Grove, Caduceus had rested their heads in his lap and smoothed back their hair as his magic banished concussions, scrapes, grazes, and aching bones. When a somber and desperate group of strangers had arrived on his doorstep cradling the damaged body of a fallen Tiefling, Caduceus had learnt his name was Mollymauk, and had cleaned away the blood before resting a strong hand on his chest and beckoning him back from the Ravens with a gentle call and all of his magic. Later, after following them into the wide and terrifying world, when the Nein had gotten more seriously wounded in battle, Caduceus had distracted them with talk of the plants and a hand in theirs as he stitched their wounds back together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus didn’t believe that people were broken. He believed that things could be fragile, easily chipped and damaged like his collection of fine China cups, but he had seen Melora help him patch up injures, and he had a box of lovely teapots all put back together with a glue that Mollymauk had learnt to make to patch up carnival tents. He didn’t believe in damages that couldn’t be healed in some way or another. Death may be the end of a physical body, but the soul healed as it travelled to be amongst the pantheon of Gods, and those left behind healed as their memories grew stronger, and the earth healed from the hole that had been dug by growing plants from the remains of a fallen child. Caduceus had met a lot of curious people whilst at the Grove, but he had never met a group quite like the Nein. He had never met an entire family who considered themselves broken beyond repair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Veth had told him that she would never recover from becoming Nott, he had weaved her a flower crown that would never wilt, and told her how beautiful and loved she was, no matter what body she was in. He had shown her his tree, mushrooms, and the flowers, and had told her how Melora lived in all of them but was no less beautiful for being in one form over another. When Jester had asked him if she was incomplete for not knowing her father, Caduceus had whittled a figure of the Traveller from a fallen tree branch, and told her that the tree was no less complete for having lost the limb, and that where her father wasn’t present, her life was made full and strong by the strange family she had gathered on the road. When Beau had looked at her fists and asked if her anger made her impossible to love, Caduceus had given her a pouch full of confetti from a party that had been thrown to celebrate her success at a bar fight. He had pointed out that they had seen the seas boil with anger, and that their ship had never ceased guiding them forward despite the danger. When Yasha screamed at the sky and plucked the feathers from her wings, asking why she was a monster, Caduceus had let her wrap them around him and reminded her how monsters would never be that gentle. Later that night, he had braided the loose feathers into his hair and told her how he only wore symbols of beautiful things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Caduceus had seen the fire reflected in tearful eyes, and nails carving welts into the map of memories over Caleb’s forearms, he had taken the man’s hands and spent the night reminding him that the fire under his skin could be used to ignite passion. Over time they had replaced the cries of pain that haunted his nightmares with the moans of pleasure that filled his nights. When Fjord had cried that he had no control as Uk’otoa sent sea water cascading from his lips, Caduceus had shown him that his lingering salty taste filled his partners with pleasure. Over time, he had learnt that taking control from others could empower him. When Mollymauk woke up with a blank stare and could only whisper that he was empty, Caduceus bought him tea, held his hands, wrapped him in soft blankets, and talked about their adventures until Molly remembered that his memories could be empty but his heart could be full of love.  When Jester and Caduceus had disguised themselves as nobles and attended a Den ball to prank some low ranking figures, he had seen the way Essek’s composure only momentarily wavered when everybody partnered up to dance and he was left alone. He had listened when Essek caught his eye and cast Message, asking that they keep this moment of disgrace and shame quiet. Later that night, Caduceus guided him back to the Xhorhaus and danced with him under their tree. When Essek finally broke and sobbed into his chest, he was taught that he was no less valuable for letting his collected exterior slip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek wasn’t in any kind of vocal pain when Caduceus’ meditation was interrupted with a breathless message from Caleb, politely asking that the Firbolg healed their partner. If it was serious then he was sure somebody would have come running, and he couldn’t hear any noticeable cries of pain as he made his way down the steps of his tower and into the study that had become more of a communal bedroom than a place of research the longer the men had been indulging one another’s pleasures. Whatever kind of injury or ailment had befallen Essek, Caduceus had his healing spells prepared, and even had a small collection of potions cradled in his palm should the need arise. He had expected to walk in and see some blood, possibly something more serious. Thankfully he had the good sense to put the potion vials down before the sight that befell him caused him to drop them all. Caduceus had seen many wondrous things in his time with the Nein - most of which involved this very study - but the sight of Essek in only a satin shirt, laying across the sheets with his head in Caleb’s lap, Molly leaning over his lithe form, and Fjord barely resisting the desire to touch him definitely came close to the top of his list. Why his presence had been requested, he wasn’t certain, until he approached the bed, fingers trailing down Molly’s back as he took in the careful and elegant white lines across a deep purple thigh. Even he could glance between the needle in Molly’s hand and the crescent moon now marking skin and put two and two together. Essek had a tattoo. Shadowhand Essek Theylss, right hand to the Bright Queen, had trusted Mollymauk to give him a tattoo that would outlive every one of them but the Drow. Caduceus wasn’t an animalistic person, but the vision of that permanent symbol of love caused a deep growl to echo out from his chest. He considered himself a gentle soul, and was careful with his lovers, but it took far too much restraint to exercise caution as he sat down on the edge of the absurdly large bed and picked Essek up as though it was no effort at all. Caduceus liked to heal with his hands. He liked to use his hands as a focus for his magic. Nobody in the room was surprised when a large hand curled around a slim thigh, the soft fur of his palm cupping the sensitive skin where the moon glittered. He healed the space quickly, warm magic filling Essek before his partners could. That night, Caduceus was the last to loosen his grip on strong thighs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
  
  
  
  
  
  <span>/////////</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>For as long as he could remember, Fjord had used the stars to navigate. He had no distinct recollection of ever having learnt the skill, but sometimes, when he would look up at the deep blue Xhorhasian sky, he would catch a fleeting memory of a guiding hand pointing out the North Star in place of shooting stars. A distant voice would fill his mind, reminding him that "wishing on stars is for folks with mistresses more reliable than the oceans" until Molly's delighted laugh would pull him back from the memory, or Caduceus' strong hands would anchor him back in the moment. He couldn't recall the exact moment he had learnt to use the skies to guide him, but Fjord was a sailor right down to his core, and an old wives tale said the instinct ran in his veins. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His recollection of his life on the seas blurred almost as much as Mollymauk's memories of his past life. They blurred into one so that he couldn't put a pin in the specific moment Vandran had stopped following the brightest star and had followed something else - something bright in colour but dark in nature. That glowing yellow orb had become the new North Star for their small vessel, and Fjord had been young enough to never think to question his captain's authority. He had trusted, much like Caleb had trusted Trent. He had trusted the guidance he was given, right up until he had washed up on a sandy shore on a cloudy night, no bright star to be seen, only a dark echoing voice chanting commands like a mantra, and a sword that dripped with the salted seas. With nothing else to guide him home, Fjord had followed that voice into the arms of the Nein and the few good people he considered to be the richest treasures a humble sailor could hope to have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It could be considered a vice, the way that Fjord looked to entities greater than him to help him chart his course through life. It was hard to feel lost if he had something else to show him a path. That wasn't to say he hadn't been naive to trust Vandran, or foolish to get tangled in the clutches of Uk'otoa, but he had never once doubted the skies. Where Mollymauk worshipped the moons, Fjord knew the stars were not biased enough to inflict their opinions as he followed them wherever he was led. Coming to Xhorhas and being surrounded by the blanketing night had felt the closest he had been to home since their brief time at the coast. Coming home to Essek was easy, natural, as second nature as seeking out the North Star each night. Coming home to his own celestial body meant that Fjord was never lost. How could he be, when stars spanned skin and the moon hung low on a deep purple sky? The first time that he had met Essek, and every night since, it was no grand revelation that he would follow their North Star to the edge of the world and far beyond. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you all enjoyed this! This is my first fic, and is un-beta'd because I asked someone to read it but didn't want to pester them about it! Comments and constructive criticism are welcome, but please be nice to me :) </p><p>The ending feels a touch incomplete, so I may add to it later, but this is what you get for now.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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